Math Problem Jokes

Do you like Math Problem jokes? That's great! We too! Find the funniest Math Problem jokes below.

The Funniest Math Jokes Ever

Pakistani math problem.

Ahmed has 3 lunch boxes.
He gives one to Mohammed and another to Hassan. Calculate the radius of the explosion.

If I had 50 cents for every time I got a math problem wrong...

Id have $1.74

Johnny was sitting in a class......

Johnny was sitting in a class doing math problems and his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Feeling irritated, Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nevously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

Girls are like math problems...

If they are under 18, it's best you do them in your head.

School jokes

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

A teacher poses a question to her 1st grade students

She asks the students "If there are three birds all sitting on a fence and you shoot one of the birds off, how many birds are left sitting on the fence?"

Little Johnny immediately raises his hand and says "well there would be no birds left sitting on the fence because you shot one bird off and the sound of the gunshot would scare the other two birds away."

Taken aback the teacher says, "actually little Johnny this is a math problem, if there are three birds perched on a fence and you shoot one of the three birds off there would be only two birds left, 3-1=2, but hey *I like the way you think*."

Little Johnny looks puzzled and raises his hand again. The teacher, becoming a little aggravated by Johnny's questioning says "yes little Johnny, what is it?"

Little Johnny looks up at her and says "well teach I have got a question for you. If there are three women all sitting on a park bench, and all three of them are eating popsicles, one woman is licking her popsicle, one woman is biting her popsicle, and the last woman is sucking her popsicle, which one of the three women is married?"

The teacher thinks about it for a minute and she responds "well I would have to think that the woman who is sucking on her popsicle is definitely the one who is married." To which little Johnny replies "actually it is the woman who is wearing the wedding ring, but hey *I like the way you think*."

I like the way you think.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Girls are like Math problems

If they are under 18 , it's better to do them in your head.

The Answer Is Four (Teacher Joke)

Little Johnny was in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question…
“Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?”

“None,” replied Johnny. “The rest would fly away.”

“Well, the answer is actually four,” said the teacher. “But I do like the way you’re thinking.”

Little Johnny quickly replies… “Well, I have a question for you… Say you spot three women eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, the second is biting her cone and the third is sucking her cone. Which one of these women is married?”

“Well,” says the teacher nervously, “I guess I’d say the one sucking the cone.”

“No,” says Little Johnny. “The one with the wedding ring on her finger is married. But I like the way you’re thinking.”

Finger Licking Good

Little Timmy was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Timmy, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Timmy, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Timmy says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Timmy, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

A CEO needs help with a math problem so he asks his secretary to come into his office.

“If I were to give you 12% of $190,000, how much would you take off?” He asked.

She replied “everything but my earrings.”

Little Johnny was sitting in class....

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

Math Problem

Q: If the the radius of a pizza is *z* and its width is *a*, what is the pizza's volume?


A: (pi)(z)(z)(a)

I spent the whole night trying to solve a math problem...

and then it dawned on me.

If I had a dime for every math problem I get wrong

I'd have $1.46

Having a crush on someone is like solving a math problem.

If you know you can't get it, all you can do is just stare at it.

I like my women how I like my math problems:

Short, easy, and with no imaginary parts.

If I had a dozen muffins and Carlos took 13 away from me, what do I have now?

A math problem

"I like the way you're thinking"

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question,

​

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

​

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."

​

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

​

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

​

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

​

Four professionals are interviewing for a math-intensive position in a company

The shortlist of applicants includes a mathematician, a physicist, an engineer, and an accountant.

To begin each interview, the representative from HR poses a simple math problem to warm up the candidates. What is 45+18?

The mathematician immediately responds "63".

The physicist responds "63, plus or minus 10%".

The engineer thinks for a moment and responds "63, but for safety, let's call it 70".

The accountant shuts the door, checks over his shoulder, leans in close to the desk, and whispers "*how much do you want it to be?*"

I like how you think.

Ms. Kelly is teaching her first grade class about addition and subtraction. As the lesson concludes, she calls on each student to answer a simple math problem. Finally, she gets to Johnny.

"Johnny," Ms. Kelly begins, "if there are six birds on a telephone wire and you shoot two, how many are left?"

"None," Johnny replies. "They all fly away after the first gunshot."

"The correct answer is four," Ms. Kelly says, "but I like how you think."

"Well, I have a question for YOU, Ms. Kelly! Three women are sitting on a parch bench, each eating an ice cream cone. One is licking the sides of her ice cream, one is viciously biting the top of hers, and the last one is tenderly sucking on the tip of hers. Which of the women is married?"

Ms. Kelly, blushing a fair deal, replies, "I would have to say the one who is tenderly sucking her ice cream."

"The correct answer is the one with the wedding ring on, but I like how you think."

Life is like a math problem

I don’t get it

Little Johnny's teacher

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

After intense partying with their friends, brother and sister got back home late at night...

Dad yells, 'It's two days to the exams and where on earth have you both been? Why weren't you answering your phones?'

Daughter: I have been solving the hard math problems all day with my friends and had my cellphone on silent to beat the distractions. I was so exhausted that I slept on the couch and it was late when I woke up.

Dad instantly calls her friend and asks if she has seen his daughter that day. She unwittingly tells the truth and the daughter gets grounded.

Now, it's the son's turn. He repeats the same story.

Dad immediately calls his son's friend, who is all drunk and high, and asks if he has seen his son that day. The friend, despite his inebriated state, realizes what's happening and says 'Yep, he has been studying for the exams with us all day. Poor guy, he got so tired that he even slept on the couch. Do you want me to wake him up?'

Math problems are like women

If they're under 18 just do them in your head

Little Johnny...

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

There was a Political Drum-Off last week, sponsored by the mathletes...

Democrats and Republicans took turns showing off their best drum licks, while answering math problems in between.

Turns out the Republicans lost. They couldn't handle Al Gore rhythms.

Can a blonde solve a math problem? (WARNING: math joke)

The odds are, they can't even

What do you say to a math problem that you're procrastinating from?

Calculater.

Little Jhonny and the teacher

Little Jhonny is in class doing a math problem when the teacher asks him :

-If there were 5 birds on that tree there and you shoot one, how many there would be left?
Little Jhonny thinks for a second and says "0!, because one would die and the others would fly away"

The teachers then replies "Thats not the answer I was looking for, but I like the way you think!"

Then little jhonny says to the teacher "Now i've got a question for you. There's 3 women on a bench having an ice cream. One is licking it, another is sucking it and the third one is biting it. Which one is married?"

The teacher stops for a second and says "Well, I'm not sure but I think the one sucking it" and little Jhonny replies "Thats wrong, It would be the one with the ring on her finger, but I like the way you think"

How can you tell when you're in a math problem?

Your pickup is full of watermelons, and your need to find out how much orange juice costs.

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems..

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems
when his teacher picked him to answer a question,
"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and
you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"
"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like
the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a
question for you. If there were three women eating ice
cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the
second was biting her cone and the third was sucking
her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher
nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said
Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her
finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

I like when math problems always add up to round numbers.

They’re wholesum.

An old lady at the clinic.

Doctor: I'm afraid to tell you that you have Alzheimer's disease.
Old lady: What? No way! I played poker, did math problems, and everything to prevent this...
Doctor: It's OK ma'am. Just keep doing what you're doing to prevent your condition from worsening.
Old lady: Sure.
Doctor: I will also encourage you to write down things that may be memory intensive, and keep a daily journal.
Old lady: I will.
Doctor: I will see you in three week's time.
Old lady: Thank you! I guess i should accept my condition. At least it's not as bad as having Alzheimer's.

Three fishermen were out fishing when they suddenly came upon a mermaid.....

The mermaid offered them one wish each,


so the first fisherman said:

"Double my IQ!"


So the mermaid did and to his surprise, he started reciting Shakespeare.

Then the second fisherman said:

"Triple my IQ!"

Sure enough the mermaid did and amazingly he started doing math problems he didn't even know existed.

The third fisherman was so impressed he asked the mermaid to quadruple his IQ.


The mermaid said, "Are you sure about this? It will change your whole life!"

The fisherman said "yes" so the mermaid turned him into a woman.

I'm gonna make a good dad one day...

Lady Friend: "I'm in Times Squares!"

Me: "Did you just text me an incomplete math problem?"

Lady Friend: "You can barely do algebra..."

Like the way you're thinking

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?"

"None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

A math problem

We start with a box of 26 balls, each with a letter printed on it. The balls are arranged so that the top row has 13 balls, the second to top, 7, the third 3, fourth 2, and finally 5th 1. Jenny is tasked with determing the minimum depth in which she would have to collect in order to get a specific letter with a given probability.



So, how many balls deep would Jenny have to go to get the D 75% of the time?

Naughty Little Johnny

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question.

"Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with

your gun, how many would be left?"

"None.", replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."

"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."

Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three

women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one

Licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her

cone, which one is married?

Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But

I like the way you are thinking".

The Teacher Fainted...

Math problems with typos are so unhealthy

They never workout

What does a cow use to solve math problems?

A *cow*culater.

I made it up myself, so don't groan at the pun.

What did the hippie say about all of the math problems?

They're all, like, equal to me...

Little Johnny was sitting in class...

doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?" "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

I treat my girlfriend like I treat my math problems...

Brute force.

Why do autistic kids solve math problems for fun?

Because they enjoy being mentaly challenged.

Little Johnny was sitting in Geometry class

The teacher asks the class: "If a whale is swimming in the ocean at 314 miles per hour and the ocean impales it with a harpoon, what is the mass of the whale?"

Little Johnny raises his hand and says "That's impossible! What do you mean the ocean impaled it?"

"Well, it doesn't really matter. It's just a math problem."

"Of course it matters! The secant do that!"

Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns

Teacher: "Answer this math problem: if your father earns $500 a week and gives half to your mother. What will he have?"
Student: "A heart attack."

ISIS math problem

Ahmed has 5 bags. If he gives 2 to Mohamed and 1 to Jamal. Then calculate the radius of the blast.

Classifying Math problems as linear and non-linear, is like...

Classifying the Universe as bananas and non-bananas.

What's the worst smelling math problem?

Log((ne)^co)

I used to have a girlfriend that would give me math problems for fun.

I was solving for ex.

Here's a math problem: If 1 faucet fills a bath tub in 1 hour, 2 faucets fill the 2 bath tubs in 2 hours ..

how can I get over my mom who wants me to pay the water bill?

When she only writes you because she needs help with math problems.

Me, 18, asian, got calculatorzoned.

So me and the girl i have a crush on were practicing math problems..

After a while she looks at me and says "Do you want to take this to the next level?". I had been waiting for this moment forever, hence i said yes. She then proceeded to take out the book on Advanced Mathematics.

Sucking, Licking and Biting....

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking."

Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"

"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone."

"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."

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